Category: General Commentary

By Posted on Posted in General Commentary, language, Marketing Techniques and Philosophies, Mindset, Psychology, Shel's Personal Life Tagged with , , , , ,
While doing my morning exercise bike ride, I’ve been reading Linchpin, a book Seth Godin wrote more than ten years ago. I got to a part where he shares his view that creative people may not need a résumé to get hired. Since résumé writing was the largest part of my business for ten years, and still something I do (and enjoy), I wrote him a note agreeing that the “boring recitation” he criticizes is generally not helpful—and then explaining how my nontraditional approach actually serves my clients very well, and how it steered me toward writing nontraditional “story-behind-the-story” press releases that also serve my clients well. Writing press releases and book covers got me started in marketing as a career. I still do that kind of copywriting too, though these days, client assignments are more likely to focus on strategy, partnerships, and reaching different audiences with unique messages for each.
This is what I wrote to him:
I’m enjoying the book and hope to finish it in time to review in my mid-April newsletter. Certainly by May.

You might already know that résumé writing was really my bridge to copywriting and that for ten years (1985-95), it was most of my business before clients started hiring me to do PR writing. I struggled hard to write my own first résumé, with seven different career paths, very short job tenures (I went to Antioch, so my life was chopped into three-month sections—but I had lots of experience for a new grad), and a handicap of being perceived as too young. I was 19 when I finished college and 20 when I got my degree the following year, after finishing an incomplete.

I ended up doing a résumé for each career path and one or two others that synthesized two or three of  them and made them feel connected. I got some help from my mom in figuring out that approach but after that, I was off and running and started writing them for other people. My résumés got interviews, which is all they’re supposed to do—but I was too out-of-the-box to get hired and it took me a year to get a job—with what turned out to be a crooked literary agent in NYC, where I quickly got fired for trying to organize my colleagues.
Right from the start, I somehow attracted clients who didn’t fit into traditional workplace culture and had unusual histories. I still prefer working with that sort of client, even though I charge a flat $199 fee for the first two hours and therefore get paid a lot more per hour for writing a straight up teacher/nurse/salesperson résumé that I can knock out in 20 or 30 minutes. Two hours is usually enough, but sometimes it’s two or even three sessions.
A résumé doesn’t have to be the boring recitation you call it. My only résumé writing rule has always been “make the client look as good as possible FOR the types of positions they’re applying for, without lying.” And often, I do a bit of career consulting to open up their minds to possibilities they hadn’t thought of. I never worried if I needed to invent a new format. I once defined a year of travel as a self-directed learning intensive. A lot of what I do is look for connections and patterns that enable me to provide some continuity to a work history that might otherwise look too scant or too scattered. I don’t write for the computer scanners other than to make sure that if my client is applying through corporate channels, the résumé contains the most likely keywords an HR person would enter. But most of my clients aren’t looking for corporate jobs. They apply to places where a human makes the first pass, where they will be treated as a linchpin and not a cog, where their individuality is a strength. Or they are running their own businesses or writing grants, and their clients/funders need their résumé to satisfy their internal protocols. The résumé becomes a way of increasing their self-esteem as well as their employability.
Yes, the project-based approach is important. I’ve been known to put in testimonials and links to portfolios. I focus many of my résumés not on a straight chronological approach but on what my clients have done and can do. Often, that means grouping work experiences into categories that may or may not be chronological within the category but always drive the most relevant skills and accomplishments to the top.
And I love the feeling of empowerment my clients have when we end the Zoom call with a document that opens the doors they want to open and highlights things in their background they may not have seen as important. That’s why I still offer this service and why I keep my prices much lower than my B2B work.
Writing résumés was my “copywriting school.” I don’t think I could have invented the story-behind-the-story press release without those ten years writing mostly résumés and newspaper articles. The press releases I wrote as an activist before starting my business were mostly the boring old 5Ws variety.
And I got this response (fairly typical of his responses—I’m sure he has a ton of mail to respond to and I’m impressed that most of the time I write to him, I get an answer, even if it’s a brief one):
well said, Shel!
quite a journey
To which I replied, not really expecting (and as of this writing a day later, not receiving) a follow-up answer but wanting him to know:
Thanks. Indeed it has been, and it isn’t over yet. My next big project will be a primer on activism for elders. I just got some really good coaching on what I’ve been missing in my search for a charity partner, so I’m hoping that I can now find one quickly and then approach publishers.
One takeaway I hope you get from this exchange is not to be afraid to approach superstars. I’ve been corresponding with Seth for years, but I started out, like so many others, writing a cold email because something in one of his posts resonated and I wanted him to know. I’ve built relationships with quite a few that way, and several have endorsed one or more of my books. And decades ago, I became friends with Dave Dellinger of the Chicago 7 because I went up to him after he gave a terrific speech at a small demonstration. I didn’t know who he was at the time, and maybe that’s a good thing, because I went up to him without any artifice and just told him I appreciated his words.
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By Posted on Posted in Abundance and Prosperity, Activism, Business-general, Consumer Issues, Corporate Social Responsibility, Demographics/Psychographics, Diversity, Eco-friendly, Energy & Sustainability, Environment, Ethics in Government, Ethics-International, General Commentary, Gratitude, Green Business, Green Living/Green Lifestyles, Innovation, language, Marketing Trends/News, Media Ethics, media-general, Mindset, People Helping People, poverty, propaganda, Psychology, Publishing, Science, Social and Economic Justice, Talking to the Other Side, Technology Tagged with , , , , , , , , ,

“We have built the safest civilisation in human history while convincing ourselves that we live in the most dangerous. Billions of people experienced measurable improvements in health, safety, and material conditions in 2025. That progress didn’t make the news. But it happened anyway, one vaccine, one school meal, one kilowatt-hour at a time.”
—Angus Hervey, Fix the News

From Fix the News, one of several good-news publications I receive—and one that skews toward science-based progress. This one does start with a depressing summary of the news we’ve all heard—but then moves into a long series of victories that most of us didn’t even now about. It pauses to excoriate mass media for amplifying the negative and superficial (e.g., celebrities) while ignoring unsexy but vital stories such as the amazing ocean treaties and the actual elimination of rampant fatal diseases, country by country. And then it finishes with another long list of victories for humanity and the other creatures we share this amazing planet with.

You won’t be sorry to spend ten minutes with this. https://fixthenews.com/p/the-telemetry?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=4861955&post_id=182468358&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=true&r=sl4r&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email

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By Posted on Posted in Activism, Diversity, General Commentary, Mindset, Peace and War, People Helping People, poverty, Psychology, Social and Economic Justice Tagged with , , , , , , , ,

A very merry and soulful Christmas to all who celebrate it today. May you be inspired not only by Christ’s holiness but by His words and deeds in the Sermon on the Mount, the Good Samaritan parable about welcoming and finding good in those from other cultures—even despised ethnic groups, His challenge not to kill a sinner unless you yourself are without sin, and his anti-greed action in the temple. May He inspire you to be a nonviolent warrior for social and economic justice, as He was. Have a blessed day.

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By Posted on Posted in Activism, censorship, Ethics: General, General Commentary, language, Mindset, People Helping People, Politics, propaganda, Protests and Crackdowns, Psychology, Transparency vs. Secrecy Tagged with , , , , , , , ,

I’m still on Facebook—but I took it off my phone. I also removed Proton and Signal, as well as fingerprint logon from both my phone and computer. Any guesses about why?

Here’s the sad and scary reason: I can no longer trust my government.

The Constitution is supposed to protect US residents against unreasonable searches and seizures. It’s right there in the Fourth Amendment. But the current government is violating that every day. US citizens are being dragged out of cars, homes and workplaces. Immigrants who followed all the rules and have the right to be here are being torn from their families. And of course, those who are here without papers—the vast majority of whom have done nothing wrong and who in many cases have been productive and contributing members of our community for decades are being thrown into gulags under extremely cruel conditions.

All of this is immoral—but it’s happening. This man calls himself a Christian, but his actions show either total unfamiliarity or total nonalignment with the words of Christ. Christ was about welcoming the stranger, helping the needy, breaking down barriers across cultures. Just think about the Good Samaritan parable, embracing the goodness of a member of a despised ethnic group or the—“he who is without sin” invitation that bought an adulteress the ability to continue living.

I’m someone who has always had a low need for privacy and a high transparency level. I strongly suspected in the 1970s when my housemate worked for an anarchist newspaper and I was doing safe energy organizing that our phone was tapped. We were low on the totem pole, so they didn’t waste a good quality tap on us. Our phone made all sorts of noises that our friends’ phones didn’t. I had two responses: One was to be sure I didn’t discuss anything confidential over the phone, including who might be planning what activities. This was easy, because I wasn’t part of a terrorist cell and wasn’t doing anything that would be a problem if the government knew about it. But still, I was careful not to mention people’s names over the phone.

My second response was to tell them I knew:  Every once in a while, I’d say something like “Hey, government agents, you must be bored. Go get a pencil. I’m going to give you my recipe for three-minute chocolate mousse.” (The secret is to use ricotta cheese instead of eggs, by the way).

But times are different now. Instead of governing, our government is trying to crush dissent. And they have tools like AI-powered social media scraping that they haven’t had before. I have been a frequent public critic of Trump and Netanyahu, and an occasional public critic of some of Trump’s other friends, like Bolsonaro and Putin. While unlikely, it’s not beyond possibility that I’ve been put on some kind of extra-screening list, and that the government might try to get into my devices even without the judicial warrant they’re supposed to obtain. Low probability, but certainly not impossible.

And just as I didn’t name names over the phone fifty years ago, I no longer tag my comrades in Facebook or show recognizable faces when I’m writing about protests unless I’ve gotten permission.

I deeply resent that all this precaution feels necessary now. We are supposed to be a democracy. Yet, it was exactly this kind of outspoken public speech that led to several high-profile arrests of Muslim foreign students in the first few weeks of the Trump II administration—including Rumeysa Ozturk in my own state of Massachusetts. Yes, I was born here. Yes, I am White. But the thing about fascism is it starts with the most marginalized and spreads to the mainstream population. And even if it wasn’t spreading, it is not okay to yank people off the street and throw them in a hell-hole for exercising their First Amendment rights. Among other things, my phone-cleaning is an act of solidarity.

Meanwhile, the president of the United States has overseen the murder of at least 69 Venezuelan and Colombian civilians for no viable cause, in multiple attacks (as of November 7). He claims they are drug runners, but evidence points to most of them being fishermen. And even if they are running drugs, you deal with that by stopping and searching the ship and seizing it if it’s true, then making arrests and turning to the courts. Not by blowing them off the face of the Earth.

He has called for execution by hanging of six courageous US military veterans in Congress who made a video reminding soldiers that they are not under obligation to follow illegal orders (such as deploying against US civilians)—and in fact are obligated NOT to follow those orders, because the allegiance they swore is to the constitution, not to any thin-skinned power-mad multiple-felon would-be dictator.

He has pressured numerous companies to make settlements that have been labeled extortion or profiteering, illegally using the presidency for personal and family and corporate financial gain, in direct disregard of the Constitution.

And oh yes, he has used the Justice Department to go after his political enemies, rather than actual criminals, wasting millions of our tax dollars for personal vendettas.

At the moment, I’m halfway through a flight from Asia to New York. If they want to look at my social media, they will have to look a little harder, because my phone and computer will be off and I will not turn them on for an agent who doesn’t have proper authorization.

I recognize that this only makes things inconvenient for them. They could easily use their own device to check my social media. They could somewhat less easily impound my devices. I also recognize that the odds are highest that they will ask me where I went and what I purchased—then simply say, as usual, “welcome back,” and wave me through.

Hopefully, by the time you read this, I will have cleared immigration control without incident and be settling down to celebrate Thanksgiving with family. But if they do try to poke into my business, I will at least slow the machinery of oppression down a bit.

POSTSCRIPT: Compared with an hour-long wait in Saigon, the passport control line at JFK Airport was only ten minutes long, we were waved through without any questions, and I’ve reinstalled FB on my phone until the next time I leave the country.Facebooktwitterpinterestlinkedinmail

By Posted on Posted in Activism, Democracy, Diversity, General Commentary, Gratitude, Mindset, People Helping People, Psychology, Social and Economic Justice, Talking to the Other Side Tagged with , ,

Guest post by Robert Middleton (reprinted, with permission, from his August 19, 2025 newsletter):

Does the world feel upside down right now?

With news filled with images of the National Guard in D.C. and families separated by immigration crackdowns, you may wonder:

What difference could I possibly make?

The air is heavy with uncertainty.

Fear, anger, and confusion ripple through conversations, social feeds, and daily headlines.

In such times, the smallest acts of courage, kindness, and responsibility matter more than ever.

When history seems to be surging around us, it’s easy to dismiss the impact of day-to-day choices.

Keeping our heads down and worrying that things will get worse can make us feel powerless.

But what if you did something different? What if you chose to make a difference every day?

Instead of complaining, worrying, blaming, or lashing out, try this:

• Check in on a friend going through a rough patch. Let them know that you care and that you’re there for them.
• Support a local business owned by new Americans, as an act of solidarity, not charity.
• Contribute to a political advocacy group that’s supporting a cause you feel strongly about.
• Write a short note of gratitude to a teacher or healthcare worker who is coping with stress.

None of these actions will stop the world from spinning faster than we can keep up.

But each is a reframing—a choice to build up, not tear down, hope and connection.

During times marked by images of a nation’s capital occupied by military forces, or ordinary people rounded up and searched, public trust breaks down.

A collective sense of helplessness—and sometimes rage—sets in.

But when the macro feels out of reach, the micro is where we reclaim our agency.

• Kindness to a neighbor reminds both of you that not all relationships are defined by politics or fear.
• Speaking up—even quietly—for someone treated unjustly counters the narrative that cruelty is normal, or that no one cares.
• Choosing curiosity over numbness or judgment plants seeds of resilience and community.

These actions rarely make headlines.

Yet, like steady water wearing down stone, they have the power to shift neighborhoods, workplaces, and even families quietly back toward sanity and care.

You don’t need a five-step plan to save democracy, or an answer to every injustice.

What you do have—every day—is the opportunity to gently resist cynicism, isolation, and fear.

Sometimes, the strongest stand isn’t a shouted slogan or a march, but a persistent, small act of care that refuses to let the cruelty of the moment make us less human.

In these turbulent times, being someone who still tries—not perfectly, not heroically, but persistently, in your own way—is no small thing.

History may remember the leaders and the laws, but the future will be shaped by the quiet, daily choices that keep dignity and compassion alive.

And that difference, however humble, is always worth making.

If you can relate to this struggle to make a difference in turbulent times, I invite you to check out the M.A.D. Team website with a simple approach to making a difference. Take what you can and give a shot at putting the ideas into action.

Then, twice a month, join us on Zoom to share ideas for making a difference. The first date is Friday, September 5, at 12 noon Pacific (1MT/2CT/3ET). You can make your reservation now if you like!

Cheers, Robert

If you like this newsletter, please feel free to forward it to a friend.
They can subscribe here: https://ordinaryvisionaries.com/mad

Quote of the Day:

“The greatest danger in times of turbulence is not the turbulence; it is to act with yesterday’s logic.”
– Peter Drucker

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By Posted on Posted in Abundance and Prosperity, Activism, Consumer Issues, Democracy, Ethics in Government, General Commentary, Politics, Social and Economic Justice, Talking to the Other Side Tagged with , , ,

One of my right-wing Facebook acquaintances posted “No Virginia you cannot pay back thirty-six trillion in debt by taxing the rich” as a meme (lack of punctuation is his). Then he added this comment: “It’s the Elephant in the room nobody wants to address; how do we pay it back if we are adding to it by 1.8 trillion a year? Any Ideas? Anyone?”

So of course, I jumped in: “Having the super-rich pay their fair share is part of the puzzle. Other parts: 1) Reducing military waste, ending subsidies of fossil fuels, nuclear power, big tobacco, etc. 2) Ending imprisonment of undocumented immigrants who have committed no crime (coming to this country is NOT a crime, under international law) and drastically reducing imprisonment for nonviolent offenses in general. Imprisonment costs more than a university education! 3) Immediately kicking Elon out and freezing DOGE operations. Instead of finding inefficiencies to cut, they are CREATING inefficiencies and huge costs because they haven’t done their research, don’t know what they’re doing, and are closing programs that then have to be reinstated at a high cost over and above the cost of defending undefendable lawsuits, which also doesn’t come cheap. 4) And obviously, don’t extend the tax cuts from his first term. Oh, and by the way, the tariffs don’t save any money. All they do is add to the cost of goods.

If you want to know more, read and listen to people like Paul Krugman and Robert Reich, who have created oodles of documentation over the years. Better still, visit the National Priorities Project, https://www.nationalpriorities.org/interactive-data/trade-offs/, to find the cost of wasteful military spending in your community.”

My answer is tip-of-the-iceberg. There are hundreds of places to cut government waste—but Musk is going about it all wrong, using ideology rather than impact and utterly failing to pay attention to the good these programs do, and the damage to the US that is done every time he eliminates stuff, and the high cost of creating it again under court order. It also scares me that Musk has access to very personal data on government computers. To what ends will he use it? Judging by his history, he’s likely to sell it even though it doesn’t even belong to him. Whether he sells to commercial entities, foreign governments, or vigilante groups, that will not be good news for US citizens who don’t agree with his ideology.

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By Posted on Posted in Abundance and Prosperity, Branding, Consumer Issues, Democracy, Diversity, Ethics in Government, General Commentary, Innovation, language, Media Ethics, media-general, Mindset, People Helping People, Politics, Psychology, Social and Economic Justice Tagged with , ,

Ever since Biden withdrew, reporters have been kvetching that they have a hard time finding out Kamala Harris’s policy positions. This is a very dubious claim, considering she has a website, she gave a broad outline of several polices in a much-viewed speech at the Democratic Convention and regularly repeats those themes in many speeches around the country.

But I’m not here to chastise lazy journalists but to give them another great place to find her policy statements:

Kamala Harris gave a truly remarkable interview to three very tough questioners at the National Association of Black Journalists. It is so rare to see a forum of this type where the journos actually let the interviewee answer at length and with depth.

And Kamala was really impressive—not just because she gave smart and detailed answers, not just because she continues to make every appearance about uplifting everyday people—but because she takes a holistic view that has not been obvious to me in the sound-bite journalism that all-too-often passes for news. This interview makes it clear that she understands root causes, unintended consequences, and the interrelatedness of multiple issues (intersectionality, in other words).

In a campaign where one candidate makes a fetish of putting others down, vowing retribution against perceived enemies, lying his way through life, and never taking responsibility for his criminal actions or dangerous policies, where everything is only about how he personally will benefit, it’s refreshing to discover that his opponent is a deeply systemic thinker who has crafted action plans that will help ordinary people while she continues to undo the damage that Trump inflicted on this country. Biden has made good progress on undoing that damage, but we still have a long way to go. I am convinced that Harris will carry that water for us.

I was especially moved by her answers on Gaza, on the race-baiting of Springfield, Ohio’s Haitian community, and on making progress on the US’s massive problem of gun violence. But the whole thing is so worth watching that I posted it not just to my Facebook feed but also LinkedIn and several of my Facebook groups.Facebooktwitterpinterestlinkedinmail

By Posted on Posted in Abundance and Prosperity, Ethics: General, General Commentary, Gratitude, language, Mindset, People Helping People, propaganda, Psychology, Shel's Personal Life, Social and Economic Justice Tagged with , , , ,

A friend sent a link to this short motivational video on ten sentences we need to hear at least once. I enjoyed. I especially liked #8, motivation doesn’t last—but neither does bathing so we do it every day. #4 is also good; I might rephrase it with the bumper sticker statement, “Don’t postpone joy.”

But I have issues with his word choice in #10, “Comfort is the enemy of achievement.” He’s right in some cases. Inherited wealth is often a barrier to achievement. So is walling yourself off from the things that cause discomfort. However, comfort has many shades of meaning.

I’m pretty sure he means that people need to get out of their smug, self-righteous bubbles, be willing to experience—and do something about—the suffering of others. But it will be interpreted by too many as “put on that hairshirt, dammit, you have no right to pleasure while others suffer.”

And THAT, I strongly disagree with.

Comfort, in some of its other meanings besides that smug self-superiority, is not a sin. Actually, I believe it’s a crucial element of our success in the world. We need to be able to both give and receive it.

To those who would deny the right of pleasure, I give you Emma Goldman’s famous quote, often paraphrased as “If I can’t dance I don’t want to be in your revolution”—here’s the original: “I did not believe that a Cause which stood for a beautiful ideal, for anarchism, for release and freedom from convention and prejudice, should demand the denial of life and joy.” 

Comfort, as a verb, also refers to the mitzvah (in the sense of “good deed,” rather than “commandment”) of extending a hand, an ear, a hug to those who are grieving loss, ailing, in pain. I am sure Mr McKinney would not deny that comfort to others. That kind of comfort is an antidote to bitterness—and bitterness is a cancer interfering with any healing journey, whether self-healing, comforting others, or changing the world for the better.

As I’m using the word, comfort is an attribute like gratitude. It enables us to function better, make more change in the world, and keep our sanity.

It is NOT a self-built wall to shield us from the things that should make us uncomfortable. I do not agree with the right-wing legislators who think that they can isolate their “comfortable” kids from such realities as race-based inequality by making it illegal to teach those unpleasant realities—but when introducing that level of discomfort, we need to provide the emotional and tactical support to let those kids not just handle it but figure out something they can do to make it better.

So learn to be comfortable, but not complicit. Find pleasure in the things you do, including your social change. Keep good company and do those things with friends at least some of the time.Facebooktwitterpinterestlinkedinmail

By Posted on Posted in Activism, Democracy, Demographics/Psychographics, Diversity, Energy & Sustainability, Environmenl, Ethics in Government, General Commentary, media-general, Mindset, Politics, propaganda, Protests and Crackdowns, Psychology, Social and Economic Justice, Talking to the Other Side Tagged with , , , , , ,

Along with every other decent human being, I deplore political violence. And as much as I despise his politics AND his character, I wish Donald Trump a speedy recovery from the wound inflicted by a would-be assassin with an assault rifle.

BUT that doesn’t mean we need to stop campaigning. It doesn’t mean we should fail to make the most of the opportunity that this criminal’s attack on another criminal creates. And it certainly doesn’t mean we should slink off with our tails between our legs because the MAGAs tell us “this is not the time!” It’s never the time, according to them.

And it absolutely doesn’t mean we should roll over play dead, and abandon hope just because Biden had a bad night in the recent debate or just because Trump may get sympathy votes for getting shot. Trump (who is only 3-1/2 years younger, by the way) had a bad night too, if you filter against fact-checking. He spewed blustery nonsense for 90 minutes, nearly all of it either blatantly false or totalitarian fantasy.

Here’s what we should be saying at every possible chance:

It’s time for the United States of America to stand behind the value of not getting shot by a random psycho at a school, a movie theater, a supermarket, a religious service, a concert, or anywhere else. And Trump cannot lead that effort. After all, he:

By contrast, President Biden issued a powerful Executive Order promoting gun safety and managed against the odds to gain passage of the Bipartisan Safer Communities Act, which he calls “the most significant bipartisan gun safety legislation in nearly 30 years.  The Act provides communities with new tools to combat gun violence, including enhanced gun background checks for individuals under age 21, funding for extreme risk protection orders and other crisis interventions, and increased mental health resources to help children impacted by gun violence heal from the resulting grief and trauma.” If Biden chooses to step down, the Democrat who will challenge Trump in November is also likely to favor sensible gun laws. The Democratic Party as a whole has been advocating common-sense gun safety for many years.

Finally, let’s remember three very important things:

First, just because the MAGA crazies have taken over the Republican Party doesn’t mean they’ve taken over the minds of mainstream Republicans. We see this in the typical 20 percent that Nikki Haley continued to draw even after she suspended her campaign! And I’ve also seen it in my conversations with many Republicans who tell me they don’t like Trump’s character, his lack of understanding of the issues, his massive narcissism, his open racism, his lack of a moral compass, etc. His support is weak even in his own party, in other words. Many could easily defect—as more than 100 prominent Republican have publicly pledged—to RFK, Jr., to the Democrats, to a Republican write-in, to to the Libertarians, or simply leave that space blank on their ballots.

Second, the Republican positions on many issues are wildly out of step with mainstream views. They oppose women’s reproductive freedom, LGBT rights, immigration (even legal immigration), voting rights, rights to protest against repressive governments, environmental protection, labor rights, and more. Both the Republican platform and the truly sinister Project 2025 (written largely by people who worked in Trump’s administration) embrace these extremist proposals—as do, apparently, a majority of the Supreme Court, which recently gutted environmental protection, declared Trump immune from prosecution for “official” acts, and of course, a year ago, overturned Rowe v. Wade—becoming the first Supreme Court to remove a constitutional right. And if that weren’t enough, Trump himself has alienated and insulted many large constituencies—veterans, people with disabilities, women, Palestinians, Muslims, Latin Americans, to name a few—and, starting January 6, 2021, thrown even some of his most loyal supporters like former Attorney General William Barr and former Vice President Mike Pence under the bus.

And third, Trump is not an attractive candidate to swing voters. He is now a 34-count convicted criminal and was found in civil court to have committed sex crimes. His rambling, off-topic speeches and compulsive lying could be evidence of serious mental decline. And of course, both men have a track record. Trump got little done besides his economy-crushing tax cut, while Biden, for all his flaws, has made huge progress on the economy, on recovering from the pandemic, on the environment, and on the US’s position as a world leader. On every issue where Biden has been bad (especially Gaza), Trump is demonstrably worse for progressives.

So let’s get out there and mobilize people to vote Democratic—including spreading the word about the huge negative impact of Trump’s proposals to people who don’t always vote for Democrats. Despite its problems, we still have a democracy worth saving!Facebooktwitterpinterestlinkedinmail

By Posted on Posted in Ethics in Government, Ethics: General, General Commentary, language, Media Ethics, media-general, Mindset, Politics, privacy, Psychology, Sexuality and Gender, Shel's Personal Life Tagged with , , , , , ,

Trigger Warning: This post discusses my history as a survivor of separate instances of rape and sexual coercion.

 

Did Trump cheat on his wife with Stormy Daniels? Yes. Was it an affair? No. Does this matter? Absolutely, and I’ll explain why.

My venerable paper copy of the Random House Dictionary of the English Language, Unabridged defines affair in this context as “an intense amorous relationship, usually of short duration.” Dictionary.com copies all the Random House definitions verbatim (it’s definition #6). Microsoft Word’s dictionary calls it “a sexual relationship between two people, one or both of whom are married to or in a long-term relationship with someone else.” The Cambridge Dictionary defines it as “a sexual relationship, especially a secret one.”

Note that all three definitions include “relationship” and the first says it has to be “intense” and “amorous.”

Daniels’ evening with Trump was not a relationship, and the amorousness went in only one direction. They had met casually and he’d asked her to have dinner with him. She says she accepted because her PR agent said it might be career-building and she did not have sex on her mind. Neither did he appear to at first, until she came back from the bathroom and found him on the bed, down to his undies. At best, it was a first date. At worst, it could be considered sexually harassing behavior.

It was not rape. Unlike the myriad of his other accusers, she never claimed that she didn’t consent. She consistently says that she was reluctant, was not enthusiastic, and felt so ashamed afterward that she was shaking as she got dressed again.

I would consider this interaction a coercive sexual encounter, if for no other reason than because of the power dynamics. One party is a rich and famous man in his late 50s, of towering (and intimidating) physical stature, with a bodyguard on the other side of the door. The other, a woman in her 20s and not overly familiar with the centers of power, is known only in a socially marginalized (though extremely popular) industry that has low credibility with mainstream media and mainstream morality.

He has all the power. And if she still has any illusions that he might help her career, she’s going to get on that bed even if she doesn’t really want to. For her, it was transactional; for him, it may have been notching a conquest or some kind of boost to his fragile ego. I can only speculate on his reasons, because despite the massive evidence, he denies the incident ever took place. 

I survived a rape, grabbed off the street by a stranger and dragged to a stairwell at age 10 or 11 (yes, it happens to boys—more of us than you probably think). I also survived a coercive sexual encounter at age 18 with a creepy 53-year-old man who’d made no secret of his desire to get into my pants. Like Stormy’s encounter with Trump, it was not rape because I was not in a position to withhold consent. And like that notorious encounter, it made me feel like total crap.

I had also, at that point, had a months-long actual affair with a man ten years older than me and several consensual one-nighters.

It’s not hard to tell the difference among these four types of encounters. The affair was mutual. It was delightful. It was a relationship. The consensual one-nighters were fun but did not lead to an ongoing relationship. For some of them, I wished it had continued—but that wasn’t the other person’s agenda.

The coerced encounter was not fun. It was unpleasant but in that moment I saw it as unavoidable. I have far more resources and communication skills these days and would handle it differently now, almost forty years later. While it was disgusting, it didn’t create long-term trauma. But the rape was traumatic, with consequences that lasted many decades and are not completely done yet. I couldn’t even bring myself to tell anyone for several years, and I never told my parents. It remains, after more than 50 years, the worst day of my life.

Neither being raped nor being coerced into sex is anything I would ever characterize as an affair. There is no relationship. There is not even any mutuality.

With this lens, with this history, you can understand why it has upset me since Daniels first went public that so many people who should know better, including many journalists, use the wrong term. Just the first results page from an Ecosia.org (tree-planting search engine) search for “stormy daniels affair” brought hits from the New York Times, BBC, NPR, NBC’s Chicago affiliate, and CNN. Now, with the trial verdict, it’s back in the news and I’m finally ready to call out these journalists. They are making it sound like love was involved, that these were two people who cared about it each other. But they didn’t.

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