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I sent an article around by Seth Godin, talking about how bullying buyers of expensive items shot themselves in the foot when they try to tear down the seller, or the quality of the item.

My friend Jacqueline Church Simonds from Beagle Bay Books responded with a story of how Mitchell Volvo in Simsbury CT, earned her undying love:

After we expressed interest in the V70 wagon, the dealer sat us down and said, “You’re intelligent, educated buyers. You know how to look on the Internet and see what my competitors are asking for in 5 surrounding states. Here’s the price that makes money for me and gives you a deal besides.”

The only dickering we did was on my 100k Taurus. He was genuinely chagrined he could only give us $2k trade-in on it. Since I’d been trying to sell it for 6 months, I caved. It was better than having it towed.

I’ve yet to find a dealer who treated me as fairly.

Thirteen years later, she still sings that dealer’s praises. Isn’t that what you want your clients and customers to do?

By contrast, I had such a bad experience in 2003 at Northampton Toyota (since sold to a dealer organization that I have no complaints about) in Massachusetts that I wouldn’t even go back there for a tube of touch-up paint until the dealership was sold and the management changed. I won’t give you the whole sordid story, but here’s one piece of it: the phone call a couple of weeks into the process that said “you have 24 hours to get your car out of our lot, and by the way, the engine is in pieces in the trunk.”

Amazingly, when we went in to a local used car dealer to see about replacing this car, he said, “it’s only got 71,000 miles and all it needs is a new engine? You could drive that car for many more years!” He actually brokered a used engine for us and arranged for a specialized shop to install it—giving up an easy sale but earning a lot of referrals from us over the coming years. And he was right; we drove that car eight more years, until 2011.

The ultra-shabby weeks-long encounter with Northampton Toyota’s service department was so bad that I wrote a five-page letter to Toyota’s vice president for US customer service. The response I got from them was too little and waaaay too late (two months to get a form response asking me to call a customer service center that turned out to be in India, with a representative who had not seen and could not access my letter—and another two months to get the letter with the inadequate and inappropriate make-good).

So what did I do the next time I needed a car, a year and a half after this incident? After driving nothing but Toyotas and one Toyota clone (labeled as a Chevrolet Nova) since 1982, I took my money elsewhere, because earning my loyalty was obviously not a priority for this company. I bought a brand new car that for the first time in 22 years, was not a Toyota and not designed by Toyota. Then, last year, the replacement engine on the old Corolla finally gave out, when the car was 14 years old and the odometer read something like 167,000 miles. We did buy a Toyota to replace it, but we bought it used, so no money in Toyota’s pocket on that sale. And just last week, I helped my stepfather buy a new car. He’s had several Toyotas over the years—but he bought a brand new Honda.

In other words, in the past 9 years, the imbecilic treatment we received from the service department combined with the laughable response from corporate has diverted three large sales away from Toyota—three sales that would have been theirs for the taking, if they’d only just made us feel that we mattered.

But why would you want to? If you want to market dishonestly, the person you’re really fooling is yourself. Because it is not effective in the long run, and the long run is what builds a business.

Two examples:

The Secret Spammer

Someone posted this on a LinkedIn discussion today:

 The promotion plan used by [company name] works very well. [company URL]

Always on the lookout for good resources for myself and my clients, I clicked through. First thing I saw was the same guy’s picture, so this was not exactly an unbiased recommendation. And then after clicking in a couple of pages, I found this:

The email blast and daily email advertising to 4 million recipients will cost you only $35 for a lifetime membership. (not included in the package) However, you will learn how to use emailing effectively, what company or companies to use, and how to effectively send email ads.

4 million e-mails a day over multiple days? If that’s not spam, I don’t know what is.  There’s no way this list is targeted, and there’s no way it will help the reputation of any product associated with it. So I responded:

I am sorry, but I looked at your site, Fred (and it would be nice if you were more up front about your relationship to it)–you’re going to send 4 million e-mails for an author? That is SPAM–a wretched curse on the planet. It makes everything else you offer to do suspect.

I have a section in one of my books called “Spam–the newbies’ natural mistake.” You’re not a newbie, though. The site is professionally designed and convincing on first glance. So you know better. Why are you doing this?

If you use sleazy, illegal, unpleasant tactics, that’s how people will think of your book. I will NOT be recommending this one to my clients.

The Bait-and-Switch Home Contractor

A few months ago, I bought a Groupon from a heating-duct cleaning service. But when the technician arrived, he told me the $69 duct cleanout was only good if I first signed up for a $1900 heating system overhaul. No upgrade? Then no work.

This is dumb on so many levels! First of all, you never require an upsell. That’s called bait-and-switch, and is illegal, for good reason. Second, if you try to upsell somebody, your offer should be in tune with the original price. so maybe you offer a $99 or $109 upgrade to your $69 original offer. You’re not going to get many takers if your upsell is 27.53 times the original price, pushing it from two figures to four. Third, if you want to sell someone something 27 times the original price, you need to build trust and show you’re capable of the small stuff. And fourth, if you’re using an outside lead generation system (in this case, Groupon), you don’t want to piss them off. I am sure I am not the only one who got a full credit of my $69 from Groupon, which offers a satisfaction guarantee. How willing will Groupon be to ever work with this company again if some huge percentage of sales have to be refunded?

As Abraham Lincoln allegedly said, “You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.”

And as I say, “if you build a business by fooling people, the worst fool is yourself.”

In my latest book, Guerrilla Marketing Goes Green: Winning Strategies to Improve Your Profits and Your Planet, I talk at some length about long-term customer relationships—how they are key to repeat business, and how repeat customers are five to ten times more profitable than using traditional marketing to bring in new customers. If you have to keep dredging the lakes for people you haven’t ripped off yet, your business is not sustainable.

So, for both ethical and practical reasons, do the right thing and don’t be like either of those fools I cited.

A complete customer service nightmare, not to mention I made the mistake of trusting my data to this bunch of losers.

Last April, I bought one year of the SafeSync data protection program, that supposedly backs up my files to a server on the cloud. About ten days ago, I accidentally deleted an important file. So I strolled over to the Trend Micro site, and attempted to retrieve the file.

After all, whenever I click on the software, it smiles at me and tells me that all my files are up to date.

While not backing up my data, Trend Micro's SafeSync claims it is.

It wasn’t there.

Not only wasn’t it there, but the last time that folder was backed up was in July! I wish I’d taken a screen shot. I haven’t changed any of the settings since I set up the program.

So of course, I initiated a customer service request. And my request apparently led some employee at Trend to delete my entire backup, so I could not demonstrate that it stopped working.

Today I spent an hour on the phone with a tech, who was not able to locate any of my files. At this point, having utterly lost confidence in the product, I asked for a refund. I was told, first by Miss Clueless (who was, BTW, a very poor listener) and then later by Richard, her supervisor, that I would have needed to request that refund by 30 days after purchase. Then Richard tried to blame it on me, saying the empty data folder meant I had installed it improperly. I pointed out that I could see the first three months of files when I’d logged on earlier in the month. I pointed out that I had paid for a year of service, and that after 30 days, it was still working properly. No refund. I tried to escalate. He said “I’ll save you time. There will be no refund” and did not honor my request to talk to his supervisor.

Hello! I bought a year of backup data security; I received, apparently, three months

I am therefore adding to my list of missions to save you from buying anything from a company whose product lies to its customers, whose customer service staff is atrocious and which does not stand behind its product. All they had to do was give me back my $61. I would not have been happy about the lost data, but at least I would not have been charged for services not received. But they can’t be bothered, and I’m not going to get any work done until I vent. I’m pretty steamed at the moment.

In addition to safeSync (yeah, real safe!), they also make an antvirus product called Titanium and a cyberblocker called Online Guardian. And a suite called Internet Security Pro, and an eneterprise security program called Endpoint Security. Guess what I won’t be buying! A company this lacking in business ethics shoots itself in the foot. They clearly have no concept of customer service as either marketing or damage control.

My blog gets automatically posted to Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn, with over 10,000 total connections. I hope I can save a few of those people from wasting money with a company that doesn’t care.

I have long said that your brand is the sum of people’s perceptions of you–real or imagined. Customers and prospects weigh more heavily in the construction of a brand than people outside your sphere, but all of it counts.

And that’s why bad customer service can undo all the hard and expensive work you might be doing with traditional branding such as your logo, slogan, appearance of your facility, and so forth.

If you don’t believe me, go read Tracey Ahring’s customer service horror story—and note what she called it: “Marketing Lessons from the Water Company.” Like me, she sees customer service as very much a marketing function, and you might get a kick out of watching tear this clueless company to ribbons. While this particular company is a monopoly, most of the time, our customers have choices of where they bring their purchasing dollars. And when a company behaves like this, it not only loses those dollars forever, but also the money their friends and colleagues and 10,000 social media friends might have spent.

There’s a popular deli and bakery in my area that we’d been patronizing for about 25 years—but I’m not in a rush to go back right now.

Knowing that we were gong to have a series of small memorial gatherings for my late mother (according to the Jewish custom, “sitting shiva”), a friend of Dina’s ordered a bunch of pastries to be delivered to us Wednesday between 3-5 (the gathering started at 7). We were delighted, and made a point of rushing home to be here when the precious goodies showed up.

Except that they didn’t. And at 5:15 p.m., when Dina called to find out where they were, she got a clueless young man who said the delivery driver had already left for the day. “I see your order right here, and I don’t know why it didn’t go out” was about the extent of what he could think of. He implied that he could have the brownies delivered the following day, and Dina told him she expected fresh ones, not those getting stale after never being delivered when they were supposed to.

It didn’t occur to him that he could call somebody to come in and make the delivery. It didn’t occur to him that he could offer any kind of make-good (or even a credit to our friend who had ordered the undelivered merchandise). And it didn’t occur to him that it was the store’s responsibility to remedy the situation—even after some prompting. He told her to call back tomorrow. Dina suggested that it was more appropriate under the circumstances for the store to call us, and he took down our number (after some more prompting).

Thursday came and went with no call from the store. Slightly earlier in the day, Dina called again and was met with a slightly more intelligent person who said she’d been at the store when she’d called the previous day, and that she would make sure the owner took care of it the following morning. I didn’t understand why if there were two people working, one of them couldn’t have gotten the order out to us when we called the first day. And she also told Dina to call back the following day, which got Dina pretty irritated. She told the woman she’d already wasted a lot of time on this and it was the store’s responsibility to call back.

And in fact, the following morning (Friday), the owner called back personally with an appropriate, if tardy, apology and make-good: a full credit for our friend, and a gift certificate (unknown amount) for us. For this reason, I’m not naming the offender. Hopefully, the gift cert will show up in ample time to use for the large public memorial we’ll host in November.

But think about the cost to this store: a number of our friends in the area (plus of course, the out-of-towner who’d given the gift) know which store did this, and will will likely go elsewhere if they need anything delivered at a specific time. And we, quite frankly, will be much less likely to go there at all, despite a relationship of more than two decades. Meanwhile, the friend who placed the order left left a withering review on Yelp, which will haunt the store for a long time to come.

It wasn’t the mistake; mistakes happen. It was the shabby way we were treated once the mistake was acknowledged that left a bad impression, the more so because we are actively grieving the loss of my mother, and it was made clear that this delivery was for a memorial gathering.

Unfortunately, wretched customer service is all-too-common in our society. Business owners don’t realize that these experiences undo a lot of their marketing and a lot of their good will.

Here are three lessons you can take away and implement in your own business, so that you’re not the one getting bad word-of-mouth/word-of-mouse:

• Make sure your front-line people have excellent customer service skills. It doesn’t take much to be empathic, sympathetic, and show that you’re trying to solve the problem, and failure to do so has negative impact on your business.
• Train every employeeon how to respond to customer service issues. Our clueless guy should have had a written checklist of what to do, if he wasn’t bright enough to figure it out on his own.
• Empower your employees to make things right. the cost of a credit and make-good is almost always far less than the cost of lost business and sullied reputation.

I just had a very unpleasant experience buying a ticket on Delta Airlines’ website. And since, in writing and speaking about creating green, ethical, and expectation-surpassing business success, I often address customer service issues, I’m going to transform this crappy experience into a no-charge customer service consultation to Delta. I get a blog post; they get free advice. Deal?

1. Thou shalt prepopulate your required telephone “country code” field with the United States country code, especially if the passenger has a U.S. address. Most Americans have no idea what our country code is, and if they do know, they’ll type a 1. +001? You’ve got to be kidding.

2. When thee kickest back my form for not having the country code properly, thou shalt remember my preference on whether I want travel insurance, and not subsequently kick it back out because YOU unchecked my preference.

3. Thou shalt load pages in a reasonable time. If I can read one to three e-mails every time I wait for my page to update over my broadband connection, you have a service delivery problem. And when the session requires 20 or so pages because of all those ridiculous kickbacks for the country code or the insurance, you have a frustrated customer spending half an hour of forever-gone time and computer eye fatigue in order to complete a transaction that should have taken under ten minutes.

4. Thou shalt not tell me my session has timed out while waiting for YOUR page to load, and then not really mean it, causing confusion. Fortunately, I’ve seen this before and just hit the back button several times until I got to a screen that remembered I was actually still logged in. I’d have been pretty annoyed if I had to log out and relog in.

5. Thou shalt not try to route me from Orlando to Fort Lauderdale via New York. It would be faster to drive! If you have to send me in the wrong direction, how about someplace a whole lot closer?

6. Thou shalt not try to take 40,000 of my hard-earned miles for a measly domestic flight from New England to Florida. That should get me to Europe!

7. Thou dost earn my gratitude for a reasonable fare when I switched to cash, and thou didst receive my business as a result.

8. However, thou shalt NEVER raise the fare between the time I click the Purchase button and the time you process my credit card! That, if you had been a human and not a computer, would be called an illegal bait and switch. That is also a way to get customers really mad at you and badmouth you publicly over blogs and social networks. If it says $230 when I hit Purchase, you should honor that price and not tell me, oh, by the way, we raised the price while you were having trouble with our webform. (Your exact words were “Due to changing availability, the fare you selected is no longer available. Here’s the lowest fare for your flight(s).”) Yeah, it’s only ten bucks, but it’s absolutely inexcusable. It’s one thing to raise the price if I come back a day or even an hour later, but I had initiated the transaction at the offered price and you didn’t honor it. Your computers should simply not be allowed to do that (and airline sites in general should not be allowed to present ticket options that are no longer available).

9. Thou earnest back a few karma points for ease of seat selection. Thank you.

10. But thou losest them again for not telling me whether any of the flights serve meals, and if so, allowing me to state my dietary requirements. It would be easy enough to indicate meals, snacks, or no food, and if meals, to indicate needs.

OK, there you have my personal 10—not commandments but suggestions—that would improve your customers’ attitude toward you, deliver a much more positive experience, and create fans instead of reluctant buyers. If you want more, I recommend my award-winning eighth book, Guerrilla Marketing Goes Green. I’ll even give you (or anyone else who registers a purchase a the site) $2000 in extra bonuses for buying a $21.95 book. See, creating a good customer experience isn’t that hard.

In addition to his award-winning books, Shel Horowitz also writes the Green And Profitable (for business) and Green And Practical (for consumers) monthly columns.

Why have I been mostly absent from my own blog lately? Because I’ve been working long hours on behalf of a client who had some pressing and time-consuming needs—including hands-on media training, helping him hire a PR assistant, and getting out a rush press release with a very short window of opportunity.

How did I get that client? A referral from a client whose book I produced a couple of years ago. That original single project has now turned into work for four different clients, putting a significant amount of money into my bank account.

It’s hard to beat a direct referral from a delighted client, unless perhaps with a direct referral from a well-respected industry guru (and I get plenty of those, too, including one earlier this week). In both cases, they come to you pre-sold, and if you don’t mess things up, they want to work with you.

Plus, since they came through referral, they often are happy to refer others. Your marketing cost: zero.

Of my seven most recent major clients, three were referrals, one I met at a networking event, one found one of my websites, and one remembered me because I wrote an article about her years ago. I’m not sure how the sixth found me, will have to check.

To get referrals: do the best job you can, and encourage your thrilled clients to tell others about you. If you’re in an Internet social media community together, and the client expresses delight privately, ask that client to share this feeling with the community (that’s when you start getting referrals from industry leaders).

Rule Number One of my approach to marketing is to treat the customer right. As I say in my books, it’s far cheaper to bring back an existing customer than to have to go out and recruit a new one. And even in the following case, where there is no likelihood of a repeat purchase, it still would have made more sense to honor the request. A business owner never knows when a customer will tell a very large circle of people about either a good or a bad experience. And in this particular case, I’m prepared to escalate and the merchant may find itself with neither the money nor the merchandise, just for being stupid about customer service.

For right now, I won’t name the company; we’ll see what kind of response I get. But here’s a letter I wrote that I should never have had to write:

On January 12, 2010, we purchased two bags at your Lincoln Mall store in Miami Beach, a few minutes before closing time. We came into the store because my wife needed a replacement for her everyday purse. She found one that was a little larger and considerably heavier than her current purse, and I found a fanny pack, which I’d been looking for. It wasn’t ideal but she thought she could make it work. However, walking the few blocks back to where we were staying, it became obvious that the weight would be a problem. We actually took turns carrying it, and she decided we’d bring it back the next day.

The purse never left the [name of store] plastic bag. It was exactly as it had been when we took it out of the store. But when we returned the next evening, the store refused to refund her purchase (we’re keeping the fanny pack). They pointed to the sales receipt, which stated that all returns would be for exchanges, not refunds.

However, this information is not posted anywhere in the store. There is no way to know about the policy until after you’ve made the purchase and the store considers you bound by it.

As it happens, I’ve written several books on marketing, and while not a lawyer, I have at least a basic understanding of consumer law. One of the requirements of a valid contract is that it’s entered into voluntarily by all parties. In this case, the terms of the contract were essentially changed by one party after purchase. The standard for American retail is to take back unused, salable merchandise within a reasonable time after purchase, and where the conditions are different, they need to be visibly posted so the customer is aware. Handing someone a sales receipt with different conditions is not something likely to hold up to scrutiny.

However, the store did not accept this argument and refused to issue a refund; we spoke to four different people. We did look around to see if here was anything else we needed, but we had come to the store specifically to buy the purse, and couldn’t find anything else even remotely suitable.

I am writing to you because I’d rather we work this out as reasonable people. We were only visiting Miami Beach and have left the area, so we can no longer bring the item back in person. However, we would be glad to return the bag if you refund our purchase price ($29.95 plus $2.10 sales tax, total $32.05) and issue a prepaid call tag from UPS or any other carrier. We will not pay to ship it back, since it was not our fault that the store refused to take it back when we went in person.

I’m sure we’d both rather avoid a credit card chargeback, and therefore, a refund is the better path.

Thank you,
Shel Horowitz

I’ll let you know what happens.

OK, so everyone knows by now, bottled water is uncool if you live in a place where the water is fit to drink (and that includes most of the U.S., Canada, and Europe, as well as many other parts of the world). Issues include environmental impact, cost, depletion of public resources, and centralization of corporate power.

On the other hand, the health benefits of water are very clear—and having suffered a kidney stone, I personally make a priority of drinking water a whole lot.

So…what do you do when you need that second (or third, or eighth) drink of water, but you’re out and about? Triple Pundit just featured a free service that matches those offering water with those who need it.

And quite correctly, TP spent some time on the advantages to businesses of participating: getting people in the door, positive word-of-mouth, and more—but they missed a big promotional opportunity: This clever idea, called TapIt, so far has database listings only in New York City and Orlando, but the concept is infinitely scalable. If you have a physical location and can wash a few extra dishes, visit the TapIt site and click “become a partner.” And then, smart marketer that you are, send out a news release in your local area announcing that you’re the very first business in (location) to participate in this environmentally friendly act of good will.

Fascinating article on BNET about how Microsoft’s much-ballyhooed Bing search engine is no Google killer–because, as I’ve been saying for years (including in my award-winning sixth book, Principled Profit: Marketing That Puts People First), branding is not about how much money you pour into the marketing, but about the superior service or product or experience you can deliver.

Which is, after all, how Google achieved search dominance in the first place, as anyone who remembers searching with clunky tools of the mid-90s will attest.

The article does have a solution for Microsoft, though: it identifies a core weakness of Google’s and gives Microsoft an exact recipe to exploit this vulnerability.

I won’t spoil the surprise. Go read it.